Ephantus Wahome, the husband of Papa Shirandula actress Kawira (born Joy Karambu) has revealed that he and Kawira struggled in the early stages of their marriage – because he wanted, in her, a submissive wife – but she just could not, at the time.
Mr Wahome is a pastor, gospel artiste and motivational speaker. Kawira and Wahome tied the knot in November 22, 2014.
“Joy and I really struggled, we could not agree on anything. I am that guy who is a hard liner and I expected my principles to be followed after all the man (village mzee) in me and the ego, thought a woman’s place is the kitchen. I expected her to submit fully and I wasn’t willing to change,” said Wahome.
“The good thing is that Joy and I had gone through very educative pre-marital lessons. It is in those sessions I realised there is a theory part in marriage,” added Wahome.
The key lessons he learnt, he says: “The institution of marriage requires commitment and sacrifice. You come together two adults from different backgrounds with different ideologies. In fact, it is easy to break up the first night and if you manage to come out of the honeymoon, then be ready to fight the giants the first five months. Being selfless and determination is the drive factor in the first few months.
“We lost friends, jobs, very big deals and the only thing left to us was Jesus.
“I started loving my wife even more. She trusted me more than anything else. I realised it was no longer about me but ‘we’. We solved our differences amicably. (Now), we work together, we share ideas, we encourage each other and the story is different. We are changing levels in all dimensions of our life. We are strong together.
“Prophets of doom said it can’t work…like they are the ones to decide. The three of us (we and Jesus) are determined to make this work. Marriage works and it works. Swallow your pride, be selfless, commit yourself, involve Jesus and that way He will heal your marriage.
“Anyway, we still fight some giants but those are small giants. We wake up every morning, join hands and declare blessings to our family. In the evening as we share the meal, we also share our day events and outcome. It is in our dining table we encourage, pray, share our worries and fears. We get to our bedroom (it is sacred) with a clean heart, forgiven if anything, we enjoy our union and sleep like small babies. The ‘we’ has helped us grow our marriage, ministry and business. Joy losing her radio job was a plus to our marriage; we got more time to bond and pray together,” said Mr Wahome.
He added: “As you get into this institution involve Jesus, commit and sacrifice for your love. Jesus, Joy and I are very close friends; you can’t separate the three of us. We are unstoppable, we are fearless and we are blessed.”
Wahome has qualities I was looking for: Kawira
The adorable pair met at an event that was managed by Mr Wahome; and Kawira was the concert’s emcee.
“My man had the qualities I was looking for – all the attributes I had prayed to God to help me find,” Kawira told EDAILY in a past interview.
“The institution of marriage is not as difficult as people claim,” added Kawira.
Kawira said when she was new in marriage, it was quite difficult to adjust to the expectations of being a wife as she was used to her freedom; which was in abundance when she was single.
“It (early phase of marriage) was hard! I have not been raised by a man and with boys around. So, I was wondering why my husband was telling me what to do; why we should go to church together; why I couldn’t go to my mum’s place the way I wanted; why I couldn’t hook up with my friends the way I used to; basically why were things changing? At my parents’ house, I wasn’t cooking since I was the last born – so I was thrown into a world where I had to cook every day.
“He (Mr Wahome) had issues with that; but I learnt to submit.
Submission doesn’t hurt: Kawira
“Submission doesn’t hurt at all; if a woman does so, the husband often fulfills everything she asks for. Do you know why the Bible says a woman should submit and a man should love? It’s because a man often doesn’t know how to love and a woman doesn’t know how to submit – submission proves quite hard to women because it makes them (women) appear inferior and suppressed – that is not the case.
“Marriage is till death do you part. If you get into the institution with a mindset that your man will desert you, he certainly will. If you go looking for a wrong in a man, you will find one. If you have insecurities that you would divorce, you sure will divorce. The grass often looks greener on the other side; until you get there is when you realise that the green grass grows in sewage.”
Of communication, trust and submission
Kawira also shared three key pillars, which according to her, keep a marriage intact.
“Communication is foremost – even if a confession is on the worst of imaginations, make it. Number two is trust: if you don’t trust a man, don’t be too quick to tell him or show it – when he learns of your insecurities, he certainly will do the mischief you suspected him of; that’s what I have learnt. And always maintain a consistent light tone when disagreeing with your man.
“Number three is submission: as a woman, always submit! Put away all that career-woman mentality once you enter the house. Submission entails a lot; even if you have hired a house help; she can do the cooking, and you personally serve your husband.”