Sociologist and lecturer at the University of Nairobi Dr. Ken Ouko says women are highly secretive and it takes a man who champs at the bit to catch a cheating woman.
Dr. Ouko says, unlike women, men do not have sharp intuitive senses.
“To catch an unfaithful woman is usually very difficult – that is one of the advantages that they have. They are very sharp – a woman can cheat on the husband for a whole year and you will never know; if you’d agreed she must be home by 7pm, you will always find her there – she will schedule all her illicit actions during the day,” Dr. Ouko tells eDaily.
“Men on the other hand are easily busted; it takes a week or two for a wife to know that you are doing something wrong,” he adds.
“But in most cases women have this instinctive care for a man and they would take care of him as a wife. Usually unless you have fought and something bad is happening, she will still be your wife even if she is doing bad things out there,” says Dr. Ouko.
But just what are the subtle tell-tale signs of a woman who has began to see another man?
Dr. Ouko says: “It is easy to tell when she begins to lose interest in you. Anything you do, she is not bothered; even if you come home late, she won’t rant at you; and when you say you want to leave for the weekend, she would say: ‘okay, see you on Sunday.’
“You then begin to easily see a detached woman from the one that was caring earlier and a lot of men sometimes are too daft to see it, but when a woman starts cheating on you, even when you look at her keenly, she looks happier than she used to be; you go home and she is all smiles because the other man is probably doing his thing every time; and such a woman will usually go about her business with her head held high and unless you are very keen, for a man it might pass you for a whole year and you wouldn’t notice.”
The sociologist says if a man knows a woman best he would note once she begins to play the field.
“For men who have great mastery of their wives’ behaviour, and who even know their sitting positions in the house and what they do and what they wear, it is very easy to tell. This is why I usually tell men, take very keen interest in your wives; even if you leave earlier for work; ask her what she is going to wear for the day so that you are aware.
“Sometimes just surprise her during the day and ask her for lunch; just pop in and say I want to see you, I am down the stairs at your office. Men don’t usually have time for such things and that is why the Kenyan woman says these guys are romantic apes. The Nigerian and West African men would easily do that, and the wife gets pleasantly surprised.
“Sometimes you have this guy at home who has six cars, but if you are him you could choose. For the sake of that relationship, you could tell your wife: ‘today and this week, we are driving together.’ Use one car. Drive her to work, pick her up… it changes a lot of things than saying I have six cars, and tell her use that one.
“You don’t know where she goes; she might come at the university and leave it there and take a cab…”
Dr. Ouko says the modern woman has evolved – and so is her cheating mannerism.
“Women are sharp these days, long ago it was easy to bust women; but not anymore. The Kenyan woman has evolved much faster than the Kenyan man, and even when it comes to the cheating, unfortunately her tactics have also evolved,” says Dr. Ouko.
“Long ago you could talk to your watchman and he’ll tell you: ‘hata mama ameingia tu saa hizi na wewe’, these days what men used to do with the watchman, women do it even better, they pocket the watchman before you; so whatever you are asking the watchman, she has already paid him better. When you are giving the watchman KSh200, she gave him KSh500. So, the watchman is her friend, she gives him food.”
An attribute which makes it even harder for men to corner a cheating woman is women’s protective nature – a woman would galvanise another to the hilt, says Dr. Ouko.
“Women are very congregative and protective; they are like policemen and lawyers. A lawyer can know that the other one is lying, but he will defend that lawyer; same thing with a policeman. Women are like that; husbands don’t do that.
“Women can form a chama and within that chama, they can be doing very bad things; but they are well-knit and very closely in it. They know who is cheating with who. Women know their secret will be safe with a friend.”