French writer and poet Antoine de Saint-Exupery once said: “Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
From this, it is clear that relationships are not defined by how long you have been together but why you are together in the first place, the things you do and your feelings for each other.
It is no secret that some men are still in relationships because they feel they are too old to venture into the dating scene all over again. Others stay because of some unique attributes about their partners that they think would be hard to find.
Whatever the reason, love is like a case – you’re either in or out.
Troubles in relationships begin when interests begin to differ, the once adorable habits become extremely irritating, and your views of life and each other change.
These are however not the only signs that you are falling out of love. There are more:
When you really struggle to please her
It becomes increasingly obvious that your love for her is fading fast when you look at acts of love (not intimacy) as daunting duties that drain you.
When the mere thought of taking her out for dinner or vacation during your anniversary or her birthday stresses you, then you know the love well is running dry. In such cases the dates would either backfire or turn out dull because they have been haphazardly planned.
Friends over your partner
No man wants her partner to spend the night alone, or have a solo dinner every evening lest team mafisi come home to feast. And for what? Drinking with your friends?
For most men, such ‘boys nights’ happen every once in a while – and that is acceptable. But when it becomes a habit, and the man ceased to feel guilty, then it is definitely a point of concern.
You feel embarrassed by your partner
There may be days when your partner may not have the spark that attracted you to her when you first met. This can always be fixed by a hair-do, wardrobe adjustment or just a smile.
But when you get to a point where she does not make you turn your head towards her but away from her, know there is a problem. What’s worse worse when you hesitate to introduce her to your friends or invite her for office functions because deep down you are embarrassed about her looks.
You find their once-adorable habits extremely annoying
There were moments when you would laugh to her silly jokes and applaud her no-so-rhythmical dance moves.
When men find that they are not tickled by the quirks they once enjoyed about their partners, they are quick to claim that their women have changed. Most likely, the change has taken place them – not their partners.
For relationships to stay blazing, you need light moments and silly times when you both forget your advanced ages and become little children. When you cease to have such moments, you should be worried.
You are scared of getting someone worse than her
Some men would rather live with someone they do not love anymore just because they are scared of getting someone worse. This is a clear indication that your heart is not there.
And in an effort to hold on, you double the number of dinner dates you have in a month and increase the amount of chocolate and wine that you buy her to convince yourself that you’re still in it when you are not.
You have developed a wandering eye
Men look, women look…birds fly. So is life.
There is cause for alarm however when the gazes become habitual and sometimes done in her presence.
You’ve cut down on communication
I’ll let you in on a little secret: women often know there is a problem in their relationships when men change their habits. Having said that, it is paramount that you maintain or improve on the standards you set when you started off.
If you used to call her three times a day when you worked as a teller in a bank, then changed to once a day despite moving to a less strenuous government job, then know that you are drifting out of touch. If you’re honest you’ll admit that you’re not busy; you are just not feeling her anymore.
There is a way out of almost anything, if you care to think.
In this case you can either seek help from a relationship expert or marriage counsellor to rekindle your love, or man up or tell her the truth.
Maybe she isn’t feeling you anyway, she just couldn’t say it.