GASHERI: Ladies, this is why you’re struggling to find true love


A modern-day woman – probably in her twenties – has a list outlining the qualities of a man she deems as “ideal”.

These qualities, more often, are far-fetched, according to contextual standards.

You’d hear these same women, who had set standards for the partners they refer to as “ideal”, lower their bar of expectations, when they clock age 30 and above.

Some panic, in the process, and settle for any man who smiles their way.

Don’t make a mistake of waiting until it is “too late” to score a good man. What is the secret? Avoid driving them away. How do you do that? Let me walk you through.


Manage your expectations when a new man comes your way. Shelve your idea of what a “real” man should be made of when he gets to a certain age. You, probably, have listed: “he must be wealthy” as a priority quality before accepting to look at him twice. And when a financially challenged man approaches you, you turn him down belligerently. That man, whom you turned down, probably was a future gem that you ignored, while looking for a “loaded” partner. Accept his [‘broke’ man] request, if you should; go out with him, gauge his intelligence and personality; if they impress you, give him a chance and help him climb up the career or business ladder.

Am I speaking to a money-oriented Nairobi woman out here?


There is a reason why various estates exist in Nairobi. Why? Class, finances, status cannot be the same. Don’t pretend to be a Julia Louis-Dreyfus, while your legit monthly income is Ksh20, 000. Kitusuru, Runda, Muthaiga, Karen, just to mention but a few, have people tailored to live there. If you are not in this sphere, don’t force; don’t fake. No man wants fake; no man wants to settle your house rent, simply because you could not. Don’t be a burden to a generous man.


Men frown upon weekday texts such as: “What’s the plan for the evening?” Take it from me. They’d prefer going home; probably catch a riveting World Cup game between Spain and Portugal, and not stay out in the cold watering your thirsty, broke throat. Be classy; be smart; be mindful. Suggest a plan that when he listens to over the phone, he can literally sit upright and slot to meet you, without a second thought. “When are we flying to Dubai?” Such a question should be made by someone who already made enough money to afford a get-away. I don’t think many women, especially in the city, making such suggestions can afford Ksh16, 000 to fly to Tanzania; and still have enough money to feed them through the month. Be humble, make intelligent statements, a good, deserving man will come your way.


Men arrive at a conclusion about you, especially if they are new to you, based on what they see you’re dressed in. Understand what dress meets the cut for a nigh-out, which one makes it to a red carpet, and which one makes it to a corporate meeting. Short dresses, in this highly-conservative society, are judged harshly. The shorter it is, the more you look like an easily beddable woman, in the eyes of most men. When this happens, he takes you to the bed; and not to his mum. And if you don’t change your dress code, the cycle would continue; a new man, new bed, new sexual experience. Done! And another; and another; and another.


A woman with ten different types of Peruvian and human hair, but only has a doctored certificate from an unknown “small” college, doesn’t matter to a man. He wants an intelligent woman; one who has tasted; eaten; drunk and lived books. Expensive nails with no brains is a turn off, complete turn off.

Get up, rethink and reorganize your life. A good man is a consequence of goodness by a deserving woman. Unlike poles do not attract, let no one lie to you.


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