BY WYLCLIFFE NYAMASEGE FOR WWW.EDAILY.CO.KE
A mentor once told me that someone you met a week ago can have better intentions than someone you met over a year ago.
He further said time should never be a hindrance to what can become one of the fine memories of the century.
How valid his words were greatly, depends on my perception of what a real relationship is; and his intentions at that moment.
So, does the duration of having known someone really matter? Should we trash it, all the same, as a fooling agent?
For starters, there is a clique of people who believe that honesty beats time.
There is also another group which believes time is everything; and they are ready to guard it with their life any time, any day.
Did you know there are people who slept with strangers a few hours after meeting; and ended up regretting the ordeal for the rest of their lives? Others, however, extended their fling to marriage.
The time spent to get to know someone has always been a dilemma to many people, as they fear to make mistakes and live regretting.
From my daily encounters, women are the key victims. They hate being judged after a messy fling, and would prefer buying time before committing to someone for fear of being classified as cheap.
To nearly all women, the tag “cheap” is demeaning.
According to psychologist Barton Goldsmith, taking one’s time to know a new partner before getting intimate, often gives the best results.
Goldsmith argues that asking enough questions; and keenly listening to the answers to your questions, gives you time to get to know someone better.
“I usually find that people who are disappointed in those they forge a relationship with either didn’t ask enough questions or didn’t really listen to the answers. When people tell you about themselves and their behaviour – for instance, admitting to having a quick temper –, listen!” says Goldsmith.
He further observes that many people tend to ignore red flags when it grows to romantic love, which is “very dangerous”.
Asking questions and closely following up on responses given, is brilliant.
However, some people might be cunning; might never reveal real and finer details about themselves. Taking the risk to believe them, is a sign of boldness.
Truth is, getting to know someone might take forever, but getting to know their intentions from the start, is very important, especially on people you’re crushing on.
Their pretenses, notwithstanding, actions, and what they say will always stand out; be keen!
The wickedness in these streets doesn’t care on time in terms of hours, days, weeks, months or years, but the intentions of the person chasing you!